At the Sharp end follows your Elite Women’s Downhill National Champ KJ Sharp as she tackles the 2022 UCI Downhill World Cup.
In part 6 of At the Sharp End, we head to Les Gets for the World Championships with KJ Sharp, to take a look into what racing World Cups looks like through the eyes of an up-and-coming rider.
Photos by Ross Bell.
The Sub-Conscious Spider Web
Let’s get straight into it. How do we reduce fear and increase confidence, essentially, how do we stop Derek from multiplying? Bear with me.
Looking back on my riding this year, I have spent it trying to figure out the answer to this question. Initially I told myself that I needed to keep riding, and something will click into place. This persistent method of beating myself up (continuous riding and crashing) finally defeated me up at the National Championship weekend. Already bruised up, I once again took a big crash on practice day and woke up the next day black and blue, but more importantly, mentally torn apart. I set off to Glencoe for race day.
As I approached the venue I parked by the side of the road and sat for 30 minutes looking up at the track. All I could think was, I hate riding bikes right now. I turned the engine back on and proceeded with the 5 hour journey home. Within moments I felt a huge sense of relief as I decided time off the bike was going to be increasingly beneficial as opposed to the constant flogging approach I had adopted throughout the year so far.
Heading into the Les Gets World Championships I felt proud that I’d been picked to represent Great Britain. However, the closer the race got, the more I struggled to sleep. I started to experience two specific reoccurring dreams. Both dreams would start the same, however, one ended well and the other a nightmare.
The Start of The Dream…
I open my eyes and sit up on what feels like a familiar single sized mattress. Using the limited beam of moonlight making its way through the small attic window I scanned the room and realised I was in my childhood bedroom. Across the attic I can see a few toys scattered on the floor and my two siblings sound asleep in the opposite corners of the attic.
Quickly deciding there’s nothing for me here, I laid back down with intensions of switching this dream off and returning to the current world. Before closing my eyes, above my head, I see a tiny spider in the corner of the ceiling, perched lightly on a freshly built web. Suddenly my eyes become intensely focused and zoom-in on the 8-legged creature…
The Dream Ending…
Recognising the spider from previous dreams, I remembered I’d consciously named him ‘Derek’. As he finishes creating his web, Derek looks towards me with a proud smile. In some dreams Derek continues to wonder over this web smiling, in others he picks up his blue rucksack, puts his sunglasses on and proceeds to wave at me with glee and happiness. In due course, I wake up as normal at 7am, rested and ready to tackle the day.
The Nightmare Ending…
Before I get the chance to confirm that it’s Derek, he multiplies into two spiders, then three, four, five, fifty, hundreds and within seconds, thousands of spiders. I freeze with fear, the heat amplifies through my body and makes my head feel like it’s on fire. The swarm of spiders make their way down the wall towards me.
With no control, my dream pins me to the bed. Unable to move I feel the spiders surround me and prepare to bite. Somehow, I know there is no cure to their venom, and once bitten, it is game over. With my laser focused eyes, I see a tiny sider on my right hand prepare to bite.
Just as this multiplied, Derek pierces my skin, my eyes flash open and I wake up over-heating and my heart thudding. In due course I calm down, fall back to sleep, hoping to wake up at 7am and not in an hour due to yet another Derek multiplying nightmare.
The closer I got to the World Championship week, the more prominent the nightmare ending became. Without having to process the spider situation, I already knew the happy gleeful dream ending resembled a race run like my 2021 UK Championship run; unwavering confidence in the belief that I can, and I will win, and the nightmare ending resembled a run attacked with zero confidence. I knew the multiplied Derek biting me was a mirror image of me hitting a drop halfway down a race run, failing to land it, crashing out and resulting in game-over.
In an attempt to stop the nightmares, I continuously told myself that I didn’t have to do any of the big gaps. However, no matter how much I wanted to stay safe, naturally, there was and still is a part of me that strives to learn and progress, which means I want to hit all the gaps. Unfortunately, in the now, this encourages Derek to multiply, which essentially means fear is high and confidence low.
Throughout the World Championship week, initially with tows from Stacey Fisher, then on my own, I succeeded to hit every gap except for the top road gap. Last year at the Les Gets World Cup, I didn’t let my wheels take off once. I wouldn’t even do the little gap out of the start gate. One year on and I’m hitting a 20ft river gap, no wonder Derek has started to multiply.
Regardless of Derek, I found myself enjoying practice and thriving from ticking off each feature on a World level track. I felt I had an abundance of confidence throughout, however, for the timed runs (qualifying and race) I struggled to transfer that confidence over. My race runs weren’t awful, I didn’t crash or make any huge errors, I just kept things slow and missed out all the larger gaps, which reflects truthfully in my result.
This week’s practice was a growing confirmation that my skills can compete effectively at World level races, now it’s time for me to stop worrying about that forever faithful ‘I’m not being good enough’ feeling (I’ve done enough of that) and start figuring out how I can channel my skills and confidence in practice to be on form during timed runs. In the spider dimension, how can I persuade Derek to remain as one, on his web, with his blue rucksack and sunglasses, waving me by as I drop in and out of a dream?
I don’t yet know how to stop Derek multiplying (how to reduce fear and increase confidence). I tried to imagine him staying at the bottom of the track, in the burrito queue as I approached my World Championship run. He somehow, however, still managed to limit my confidence.
For now, thank goodness I took those 6 weeks out after National Champs, because now I have that motivated burning feeling back. Rather than accepting that 32nd in the World is all I have, I finally feel I have the motivation to fight, learn and progress to reduce that number.
If you’ve made it to the end of this article… I promise you; the spiders are only a dream. Derek is only a dream, only a dream… It’s only a dream… It is only a dream…
Keep telling yourself that.
