Albie Bennett crash video – a reaction.

Our good friend and occasional Wideopenmag contributor Jon just sent us a response to a recent article over on Dig that’s making the internet LOL.

What do you think?


The internets are chortling away this week at a LOL-hilair video of celebrated BMXer Albie Bennett pole-axing some pedestrians back in 2009. In the video, Bennett jumps a flight of steps, executes a 360 and lands it. He then realizes that two women are walking directly in his path. He lays the bike down and slides it into them, skittleing them onto the pavement. The video is set to Benny-Hill-esque LOL-music, and re-surfaced again in 2015, to be viewed a trillion times by the sort of cud-chewers who think You’ve Been Framed is witty.

Back in 2009, Bennett shared with the world an account of the accident “in his own words”, which are worth re-reading quickly to check whether or not you are a weapons-grade prick. []

Bennett’s chum Burns was apparently checking whether anyone was in the way. But Burns gave Bennett the thumbs-up to make his run, and Bennett did. As he landed, “To my surprise a mother and daughter were walking right in front of me and were completely oblivious of the immediate danger they were in.”

Check quickly: do you think that people walking on the pavement should be worrying about whether they’re about to be hit by a bike? If you think they should, you are a prick. No one should have to be worried that they are about to be hit by a bike.

Bennett collides with them as the video shows, and “At first I thought I had killed the daughter and that the mother was going to die of a hear [sic] attack in my crotch, but surprisingly, they were fine, just really pissed off.”

Lucky Bennett. Check quickly: do you think someone shouldn’t be pissed off at you crashing a bike into them? If you think they shouldn’t, you are a prick. Literally anyone will always be pissed off if you crash a bike into them.

Bennett said sorry, which should have made it all A-OK, but “they wanted to eat my heart. They were screaming at me, calling me an idiotic son of a bitch.”

Check quickly: would you understand why someone you’d just crashed your bike into would think you were an idiotic son of a bitch? If you don’t get that, you are a prick.

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“Check quickly: do you think someone shouldn’t be pissed off at you crashing a bike into them? If you think they shouldn’t, you are a prick.”

Anyway, Bennett and his chums ride off, and contemplate the phenomenon at the heart of the matter, “Where did the women come from? I don’t know, and neither does anyone there who witnessed it. It’s almost as if they appeared out of thin air.”

We’re going to apply Occam’s razor to this one. The women walked to where Bennett hit them, from a position a few metres away from where they were when Bennett hit them, in the time it took him to make his run. The alternative theory, apparition from thin air, would be entirely inexplicable to modern science, a phenomenon so startling and remarkable that it would be sufficient to found a cultish religion involving animal masks and child killing. Literally mind-boggling in its implications. By contrast, the theory that Burns was careless in giving the thumbs-up for the run requires us only to remember that “SMIDSY” is the cry of entitled, careless pricks who hate taking responsibility for not hurting people, everywhere and always. Pretty straightforward. Thanks for the lend of your razor, William of Occam. []

“Either way” says Bennett, “it’s an entertaining clip”. Yep. LOL-hilair. Especially the bit where the younger woman’s legs fly up in the air and her head bounces off the pavement. Prick.

We love a riding video, and we love a good crash video. We don’t want to see anyone hilariously causing a bystander a potentially serious accident. You do that, you’re a prick.
Check where you’re riding is safe.
Check your landing-zone is clear before you go for it.
If in doubt, leave it.

If you don’t follow those easy rules and you skittle someone, you’re probably a prick.

And finally; don’t share the video online, it’s what prosecutors and personal injury lawyers call “evidence”.

Ed – here’s Albie’s full section from Off The Map 2 if you want to see him ride:

  1. Massively disappointed to see that the “Burns” he references is Sean Burns, probably my favourite rider of the current crop. He thought it was funny? Prick.

    On one of the BMX feeds, Geth Shooter said if that had been his Mrs that jad been knocked over, he’d have broken Albies jaw. Too right. And his wrists.

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